Saturday, May 16, 2009

tick tock

sometimes it's like i can hear the clock ticking, time seems to move so slowly.  that usually happens  when i am cleaning the house or doing math or any kind of dental work.  and then there are moments when time seems to have sped past me without my awareness, like when i close my eyes for a short nap and then wake up 3 hours later.  (ok, that really doesn't happen to me because i almost never take a nap, but you get the idea).  today was one of those moments. annie graduated from high school today.

and that shouldn't be such a big deal.  mike graduated last year so i've had this experience before.  it was different though because at her school they do a video tribute for each graduate. (that'd be a nightmare at her old school with almost 1000 students in the '09 class but at her new school there are only 12 in her class. much more conducive to emotional video tributes). the video included photos of her growing up and then an amazing time lapse video of  painting by her art teacher lauren, which perfectly captured annie's heart and passion for africa.  and that's when i lost it.  

annie will leave for a year in uganda in less than a month.  how did this happen?  it seems like she was refusing to get into my neighbor's minivan to go to preschool just yesterday. and now she is following an amazing plan that God has planted in her heart to love the orphans of uganda half way around the world.  i am thrilled for her to know her passion and purpose and so sad to see her go.

last year when i was teaching revelation i thought about time a lot.  Jesus said He was coming soon but that has been over 2000 years ago.  how does that work? i learned that there are 2 words used for time in the Bible, chronos (like a wrist watch, chronological) and kairos (more of seasons with deep meaning involved in the understanding).  God works in both, but we are chronos bound.  one commentator i read said we see ourselves moving forward in time.  but He is time itself moving towards us.  just think about that for second.  it is a little mind bending.  ok, the second is up.  and He is closer to us.  

i have tried to live more kairos like, aware of the weight and meaning of time, less bound by it. but today it felt different.  like when the fast forward button on the vcr gets stuck. i really want to experience both the joy and difficulty of annie taking flight, leaving the nest, the kairos time. but oh how i'd love to have a wrist watch and just set it back a bit.  spend one more day drawing big chalk flowers in the driveway, eating popsicles, making pb &j's, playing with polly pockets in a big bubble bath and then singing bedtimes songs.

i love you annie and i am so proud of you.


Maria said...

You've done a fabulous job raising her. She's turned into a self-confident young woman with a heart for God. She'll have a life changing year! And how brave you are!

Jodes said...

we only get to "borrow" them for such a short time. those 18 years, now, feel too short and a sense of excitement and panic set in! they have completely captured our hearts. while we jump for joy and rejoice in their big step forward, inside our hearts ache while we learn how to let go.