Running on Full

This past month has been crazy busy. On top of my regular 3 Bible studies a week teaching schedule, I added multiple speaking engagements and retreats…I gave 8 messages in 5 days at the wackiest stretch of busyness. Add to that, the wife/mom duties, a few quilt clients, planning for fall Bible studies, support raising and an occasional shower. And then pile on Club Valentino, our 4 night staff/elder dinner theater show (which is a blast but a TON of work).

I should be morphing into the Road Runner with legs that look like a blurry wheel and I should be precariously close to a breakdown. But I am not. Why is that? Two reasons I think.

1. Wisdom…knowing what the essentials are for my survival. Here’s what I need each day:

• Jesus- time to hear from Him, tune my heart to His so my heart and my schedule becomes His not mine. My grip on my limited perspective of my life loosens and lightens when I hear from Him.

• People- connecting with those I love, David, my kids, friends, people whose path I cross.

• Creativity- just a smidge of time to doodle, sew, knit, sing, dance, to see a little beauty and celebrate Him in it!

2. Grace…God gives me freedom to say "yes" to too much or "no" to things I should say "yes" to and then He graciously forgives my goof-ups, makes beauty out of my mess and equips me to do the things He asks of me. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for His grace.

When I rest in these two things, I am at peace in the midst of a crazy busy month! (But p.s.-It is easier said than done though, for I find that I am more inclined to try too do all things through me, than to live out His grace and wisdom.)

looking back

2009 highlights

began kaleidoscope ministry

created two new Bible studies

started the teacher’s lounge

gave the sermon at GCC four times

retired from long arm quilting business

switched to a mac

created art group: His to Create

celebrated 23 years with david

reorganized my studio

mike bought his first car and started second year in college

annie graduated and began work in africa

liza became our 3^rd driver

max is now taller than me

travelled to Africa

loved more, gave more, risked more, learned more, created more

my H2C group at a painting class

top ten things i learned while in africa

10. i can be extremely happy with a lot less.

9. showering by candlelight while relaxing, is inefficient at removing red dirt. hot water might have helped too.

8. i prefer not to be smelly.

7. roosters crow all day, kinda ocd.

6. you can carry/hold anything while riding on the back of a boda (motorcycle taxi): goats, suitcases, sugar canes, bicycles, chickens, anything.

5. “you are most welcome here” is a beautiful greeting.

4. living in houston prepared me well for africa. three words: heat. humidity. cockroaches.

3. a real pet monkey is not at all like curious george.

2. one of my favorite activities, fabric shopping (for musana backpacks) is fun in africa too!

1. holding a child on your lap and whispering in their ear that Jesus loves them is exquisitely glorious.

the work of evil fabric elves

i have been attempting to clean out and reorganize my quilting studio for months, working a little bit here and there…yet it seems more cluttered and messier than ever. what’s up with that? is this the proverbial elephant meal (one bite at a time) or are there other more subversive forces at work…messy minions who sneak in at night and undo my work…kinda like the shoemaker’s elves working for satan? this is where my childhood dream/prayer to be like samantha on Bewitched kicks in. i wish i could wiggle my nose and it would be done.

but alas, i must put in my effort, lot’s of time and decision-making and plastic crates. i know the drill: sort everything by what to keep, donate, and trash. but it is so hard when there is 10 years of fabric and projects and supplies, like a sewing tsunami rolled in. drowning seems imminent.

suddenly it occurs to me that this is quite similar to dealing with issues in my life that have threatened to drown me…control, perfectionism, people pleasing etc. as I avoided dealing with this emotional clutter, it just got harder, and eventually, it seemed insurmountable.

obedience and discipline to work at difficult tasks, is very challenging stuff. but impossible? no. i don’t approach either the character stuff or the tedium of cleaning my studio like the little engine trying to make it up the mountain repeating, “i think i can, i think i can.” instead, like my wise friend iris would tell me, i look to the One who gives me strength and encouragement and then i just do the next right thing.

so off i go to dive into the piles of fabric and swim my way to the distant shore of a clean and tidy studio. thank you Lord that You speak to me in the most unexpected of places. amen.

ps. i wrote this in august and i got it done! here are the before pictures (i swear i don't have that hoarding issue. for reals.)

it gets better. trust me.

ta da!! here come the amazing afters...

so much better!!!!

hooray!

big tex

top ten things i love

10. he watches tv which is just funny (barking at animals on tv, not so much)

9. he believes he controls the backyard

8. he sports a goofy expression (see above)

7. he is sweet to my little dog button

6. he is always enthusiastic (read: he runs from room to room)

5. he has better ideas about how to use a tennis ball than for tennis

4. he is the best gift (david's) i ever gave

3. he is always happy. always.

2. he wags his tail whenever i walk in the room. just for walking in the room.

1. he happily rocks the afro

i am so glad that God created pets. thanks God!

september 11, 2001

i turned on the tv that morning, not something i usually did, because we had been at the broncos game the night before and ed mccaffrey had suffered a horrific career ending broken leg right in front of us. i knew they would replay it on the sports that morning, not something they did in the stadium. but instead of that, i saw a shocking image of a plane fly into the world trade center in new york.

as soon as the news broke that it was an american airlines plane from logan in boston i began frantically trying to reach my brother, a pilot for american who flew that same route out of boston. unable to get through i finally heard from my mom that she had talked to him briefly and he was not flying that day. i knew my relief was some one else's sorrow.

that sorrow built throughout the day as i watched the wtc be struck again and then collapse to the ground, the pentagon be attacked and another plane crashing (averting more deaths through their brave sacrifice) in a pennsylvania pasture. it is still so shocking to remember. so many lives were broken that day, pain that echos still 8 years later. but there were also stories of miracles and heroism that became mixed in with the unbearable tragedy, little places of light in the darkness.

david and i sat at a table overlooking manhattan at the windows on the world restaurant in the world trade center on march 11, 1986 as he asked me to marry him. it was a magical moment of tremendous joy for me and a memory of a place i will always treasure. we love new york. and were heartbroken by the events of 9/11.

today i grieve for the tremendous losses and celebrate too that those little places of light have grown brighter.

this weekend will mark the end of the third year without my mom. david asked me today how i was doing with that, the grieving and missing her. it doesn’t seem any more acute for me on the anniversary of her death. i just miss her. and i am so grateful that she was my mom. she was a great mom, even though she made many mistakes, some that wounded me deeply…because she loved me deeply too.

i love being able to extend grace to her in my memories. that is an interesting concept, huh? here’s an example of how it works. when michael (first child, like the first pancake) was a baby, i was a neurotic mess. i worried about everything. mom was a bit of a worrier too. it must be a genetic thing. (thankfully God can overcome genetics.) one spring afternoon we were going to the mall, mom michael and i. as we got out of the car the wind picked up to like a hundred miles an hour. really, it was crazy windy. and mom looked at me with a bit of panic and said “you need to run with him into the mall or” (i swear this is true) “the wind will suck his breath away.” what?? i was so bound up by fear, i believed her. as i look back at this, i know it was a silly wive’s tale that she had been taught and she was not maniacally trying to mess with me by telling me this. so i give her grace. (my brother mike died when he was 4 years old and here was her first grandchild, named in his memory...i can't imagine the mixture of joy and grief and understandably, some worry.) and thankfully, i figured out the worry stuff. at least most of it.

when i was growing up we had bright purple carpet in our living room. on purpose. mom chose it because she loved purple. she didn’t care about what was in style or even normal. she liked it so she thought it was perfect.

thanks mom. i live in a house i love with pink and yellow walls and lots and lots of color and quilts because you taught me to go with what i loved and not to worry if it was a bit different.

i miss you.